Rejoice! The Ishtar Bunny Is No More!April 8, 2007
Dawn was about to break as I took my position in the edge of the woods alongside the meadow. It was at this place the previous year that my Rock Bear nose (RBN) had picked up the trail of what was apparently the Ishtar Bunny ( that hideous creature). He had traveled though Master’s property and it was my duty to defend said property. Master had long ago taught me about the evil and deceit this creature perpetrated on people, particularly little boys and girls.
I lay skillfully hidden beside a rotting log which would shield me from the sight of the little beast should he take this path again this year. Of course my desire was that he would. How wonderful if it were so ordained that I should be the Rock Bear that would be so privileged to remove this quasi-rodent from the face of the earth.
My thoughts returned to the truths about this time of year that my master had taught me. Easter is the celebration of the Babylonian “queen of heaven” that through the ages had morphed into a hodgepodge of gobbledygook (these are Rock Bear theological terms) in various cultures. Depending on the culture she might be called Astarte, Aphrodite, Eostre, Ishtar, etc. Eventually the pagan gobbledygook attached itself to and corrupted Biblical Christianity. Many think that Easter and the resurrection of Jesus Christ are one and the same. But that is gross error.
Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday following the first full moon after the Spring equinox. The Biblical Passover is the 14th day of the first month (Nisan) in the Jewish calender. Jesus is the true Passover for Christians and He was raised from the dead three days later. There is a lot to this but I just want you to be aware that you should not confuse the two events.
Rabbits got into the gig because they procreate prolifically. Somebody, somewhere, sometime declared that rabbits laying colored eggs escorted Ishtar into heaven. Enter the Ishtar bunny into your life.
Indignation and wrath were building up inside of me as I mentally reviewed these things. It was at that moment that my sensitive Rock Bear ears (SRBE) picked up the distant sound of frolicking song. Immediately my sensitive Rock Bear nose (SRBN) also informed me of the gross stench of the approaching Ishtar Bunny.
I could make out the words of the song as he drew closer.
Anger continued to well up inside of me as this horrid creature polluted the early morning atmosphere with his evil lyrics.
My moment was coming. Shortly the unsuspecting pest would pass by only a few feet in front of me. Then I would spring forth and crush him with my steel-trap-like Rock Bear jaws (S-T-LRBJ). It would be a merciful death for this less-than-fare hare.
DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!
The sound was like an old-fashioned alarm clock going off in my ear. I knew at once that this rabbit had a mobile Rock Bear detection device (MRBDD). There was no doubt that he would immediately flee back down the path he had come. Without hesitation I sprang and cut to the left around the log I was hiding behind. The Ishtar Bunny had indeed turned and was racing away for his life.
My unique Rock Bear body (URBB) accelerated like a rocket in pursuit of him. There would be no problem catching up to him but I knew that like all funnywunnybunnies he would make an immediate ninety degree left or right turn at the moment I was close to him. It was the only talent he had. But it was up to me to discern what direction he would turn and when. My intricate Rock Bear mind (IRBM) immediately discerned that he would turn right. The reason I knew this was because he was carrying his basket of Ishtar eggs on his left. If he went left the basket would trip him up and he would get crushed hard-boiled eggs between his toes.
Having solved that mystery I now had to discern exactly when he would make his move. Would it be when I was three feet, two feet, one foot, or only inches behind him? Suddenly I had that answer also. He was headed directly for a large oak tree. His plan was to turn just before he reached the tree so that I would go crashing into it and meet my certain doom. Thus it was in such Divine Providence that the Ishtar Bunny’s plan and my counterplan was revealed to me!
I paced myself so that I would be only a few feet behind him when he reached the tree. Every breath I took as I gained on him was exhaled as deep guttural growl. But I knew that he did not really fear me because he had not dropped his Ishtar Basket. He was laughing to himself, thinking that in only a few seconds I would be a limp pile of smashed muscle and bone at the foot of the oncoming oak tree. In days to come he thought he would be boasting to his pagan pals about how he dispatched the feared Rocky Bear while delivering his dyed chicken eggs.
Live for a second more, you flea-bitten varmit.
Twelve inches behind him and five feet from the tree I curved gently to the right. Two feet from the tree he made his abrupt right turn. Three feet after his turn he intersected the open jaws of the Rock Bear. I spare you the details.
But I must say it was one heck-of-an exuberant Rock Bear moment. Master heard all the commotion and came out of the house to the sight of me flinging the varmint up in the air and letting it fall back into my open jaws. He grabbed his camera and got some pictures of me with my prize. I was joyfully complimented by him and gladly received not only a back scratching but a hairy chest rub as well.
Heck-Of-An Exuberant Rock Bear Moment
News of my great feat immediately made its way around the neighborhood. One might think that all would be joyful about the demise of this evil creature, but that is not the case. Parents quickly boiled and colored eggs to hide so that this element of the cursed Babylonian mystery religion should not be curtailed.
Dawn was about to break as I took my position in the edge of the woods alongside the meadow. It was at this place the previous year that my Rock Bear nose (RBN) had picked up the trail of what was apparently the Ishtar Bunny ( that hideous creature). He had traveled though Master’s property and it was my duty to defend said property. Master had long ago taught me about the evil and deceit this creature perpetrated on people, particularly little boys and girls.
I lay skillfully hidden beside a rotting log which would shield me from the sight of the little beast should he take this path again this year. Of course my desire was that he would. How wonderful if it were so ordained that I should be the Rock Bear that would be so privileged to remove this quasi-rodent from the face of the earth.
My thoughts returned to the truths about this time of year that my master had taught me. Easter is the celebration of the Babylonian “queen of heaven” that through the ages had morphed into a hodgepodge of gobbledygook (these are Rock Bear theological terms) in various cultures. Depending on the culture she might be called Astarte, Aphrodite, Eostre, Ishtar, etc. Eventually the pagan gobbledygook attached itself to and corrupted Biblical Christianity. Many think that Easter and the resurrection of Jesus Christ are one and the same. But that is gross error.
Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday following the first full moon after the Spring equinox. The Biblical Passover is the 14th day of the first month (Nisan) in the Jewish calender. Jesus is the true Passover for Christians and He was raised from the dead three days later. There is a lot to this but I just want you to be aware that you should not confuse the two events.
Rabbits got into the gig because they procreate prolifically. Somebody, somewhere, sometime declared that rabbits laying colored eggs escorted Ishtar into heaven. Enter the Ishtar bunny into your life.
Indignation and wrath were building up inside of me as I mentally reviewed these things. It was at that moment that my sensitive Rock Bear ears (SRBE) picked up the distant sound of frolicking song. Immediately my sensitive Rock Bear nose (SRBN) also informed me of the gross stench of the approaching Ishtar Bunny.
I could make out the words of the song as he drew closer.
“Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hopping down the bunny trail.
I’m so happy to be on my way.
Here’s the thing you can believe,
Everyone I will deceive.
Because this is the great Ishtar Day!”
Hopping down the bunny trail.
I’m so happy to be on my way.
Here’s the thing you can believe,
Everyone I will deceive.
Because this is the great Ishtar Day!”
Anger continued to well up inside of me as this horrid creature polluted the early morning atmosphere with his evil lyrics.
“I’ve got goodies in my basket,
That will make the children play.
And with the doctrine of Ishtar,
I will lead them all astray! YEAH!”
That will make the children play.
And with the doctrine of Ishtar,
I will lead them all astray! YEAH!”
My moment was coming. Shortly the unsuspecting pest would pass by only a few feet in front of me. Then I would spring forth and crush him with my steel-trap-like Rock Bear jaws (S-T-LRBJ). It would be a merciful death for this less-than-fare hare.
“I am Peter Cottontail,
Hopping down the bunn….”
Hopping down the bunn….”
DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!
The sound was like an old-fashioned alarm clock going off in my ear. I knew at once that this rabbit had a mobile Rock Bear detection device (MRBDD). There was no doubt that he would immediately flee back down the path he had come. Without hesitation I sprang and cut to the left around the log I was hiding behind. The Ishtar Bunny had indeed turned and was racing away for his life.
My unique Rock Bear body (URBB) accelerated like a rocket in pursuit of him. There would be no problem catching up to him but I knew that like all funnywunnybunnies he would make an immediate ninety degree left or right turn at the moment I was close to him. It was the only talent he had. But it was up to me to discern what direction he would turn and when. My intricate Rock Bear mind (IRBM) immediately discerned that he would turn right. The reason I knew this was because he was carrying his basket of Ishtar eggs on his left. If he went left the basket would trip him up and he would get crushed hard-boiled eggs between his toes.
Having solved that mystery I now had to discern exactly when he would make his move. Would it be when I was three feet, two feet, one foot, or only inches behind him? Suddenly I had that answer also. He was headed directly for a large oak tree. His plan was to turn just before he reached the tree so that I would go crashing into it and meet my certain doom. Thus it was in such Divine Providence that the Ishtar Bunny’s plan and my counterplan was revealed to me!
I paced myself so that I would be only a few feet behind him when he reached the tree. Every breath I took as I gained on him was exhaled as deep guttural growl. But I knew that he did not really fear me because he had not dropped his Ishtar Basket. He was laughing to himself, thinking that in only a few seconds I would be a limp pile of smashed muscle and bone at the foot of the oncoming oak tree. In days to come he thought he would be boasting to his pagan pals about how he dispatched the feared Rocky Bear while delivering his dyed chicken eggs.
Live for a second more, you flea-bitten varmit.
Twelve inches behind him and five feet from the tree I curved gently to the right. Two feet from the tree he made his abrupt right turn. Three feet after his turn he intersected the open jaws of the Rock Bear. I spare you the details.
But I must say it was one heck-of-an exuberant Rock Bear moment. Master heard all the commotion and came out of the house to the sight of me flinging the varmint up in the air and letting it fall back into my open jaws. He grabbed his camera and got some pictures of me with my prize. I was joyfully complimented by him and gladly received not only a back scratching but a hairy chest rub as well.
Heck-Of-An Exuberant Rock Bear MomentNews of my great feat immediately made its way around the neighborhood. One might think that all would be joyful about the demise of this evil creature, but that is not the case. Parents quickly boiled and colored eggs to hide so that this element of the cursed Babylonian mystery religion should not be curtailed.
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